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My Narcissistic Wife Treats Her Dog Better Than Me. That’s Why I’m Cheating On Her.

My Narcissistic Wife Treats Her Dog Better Than Me. That’s Why I’m Cheating On Her.

Guide to cheating on your partner successfully

I am 36 years old this year, and I’m cheating on my wife : I am not proud of it but I have accepted it. I am married to a wife-zilla with no kids because she’s obsessed with her inherited Japanese Spitz. Her mum passed a while back and apparently, it’s a “family heirloom”. If she was the heiress to a tea plantation or a fashion brand, you can bet I wouldn’t be writing this right now. As a matter of fact, I’d be down on my knees painting her nails as she slanders me for buying the wrong brand of chicken. Before you come at me with your pitchforks, here’s some context:

  • I was forced into this marriage
  • My wife treats me like her cash cow
  • She constantly gaslights me
  • I caught her sexting her colleague multiple times but she denies it
  • Marriage counselling did not help

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that society teaches us to put up with an unhappy marriage by telling us to “make things work”. The harsh truth is that some things just cannot be worked out. There is no happy ending or resolution in this unfair world for people like me, so I do what I have to do. My astrologer confirmed this when he said I have zero heavenly charms in my bazi. So, I can either resign to my fate of getting absolutely no sex while she cuddles her dog to sleep every night or I can choose my own destiny.

However, I am aware of the importance of maintaining a practical and amicable relationship with my wife. The last thing I need is the stress of divorce papers, heated arguments, or a GPS tracker installed on my phone when all I am searching for is just a temporary avenue to distress.

If you’re reading this and nodding your head as you side glance your wife nagging at you for not washing the dishes with the right soap: move to the toilet and continue scrolling. I am going to give you the insider tip on how to get some action and attention while staying off her radar.

Ladies, if you’re reading this and cursing me under your breath, put yourselves in our shoes: what would you do if your husband treats you like a doormat and refuses to show you any affection?

When cheating, commit to it

Cheating is not for everyone. I wasn’t a natural either but I practised because I knew finding happiness from that ogre back home was close to impossible. The key to success is honestly commitment and cocktails. Drinking always helps me get the edge off a little bit, especially when the guilty pangs start gnawing at me and I suddenly get the magical urge to text my wife ‘I love you’. If I was drinking coffee, I know I’ll get jittery midway and probably write an apology letter before even being caught.

You see, that’s how trauma bonding works: though I know I can’t realistically have emotional expectations of her, deep down I have this twisted love for her. I simply can’t walk away. At the same time, I’m tired of settling for her nonchalance.

Men, please don’t be dumb. This is not the time to revel in your thoughts. If you have never expressed your love for her through text, do not sabotage your adventure prematurely. This is serious business and one wrong move can lose you your house. If a narcissist is aware of your moves, rest assured they will emotionally torture you (not out of being hurt but as revenge).

Go to the right bars

Cheating in a bar

I never go to Thai discos, clubs or KTVs. Those spots are for amateurs to get sleazy and I believe in sustainability and some discretion. Here’s why you should avoid them if you’re married:

  • Fights happen and your face might end up on a CCTV tape
  • The girls are paid to get you drunk. You might end up with a clingy side chick.
  • People love taking IG Stories. Your wife’s colleagues might see your face.
  • The reception sucks. If your wife calls you, you’re dead.
  • If she wants to FaceTime, you don’t have enough time to exit
  • Too many uneven vantage points. You don’t know who can see you.
  • Getting a cab is impossible if a SOS situation pops up

Cheat successfully with this guide

To reiterate, the only reason I’m cheating is because I’m stuck in a loveless marriage and can’t get a divorce. Even if I tried, I’d have to waste years being unhappy, dealing with her rage. For those of you who’ve only just hit a rough patch, I recommend talking things out and getting some counselling if need be. If you have an amazing partner, be sure to treasure her. If not, well, that’s what this guide is for.

Stay tuned next week as I give you the lowdown on the best places to cheat discreetly in Singapore!

Share your stories of infidelity below, and we might just feature them!

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