When you don’t have a best friend
Everywhere I look, everyone seems to have a best friend. Everyone, except me that is. Don’t get me wrong. I have friends. I just don’t have a sole friend that’s ranked above the rest. The BFF. The bestie. And this has been happening throughout my life. Despite being in more cliques than most people, I simply don’t have a best friend. As I grew older, I started to wonder if this was normal.
Even as a child, I was an introvert. Making friends wasn’t actually that hard for me, but I preferred sticking to my existing friends. This habit followed me into my adult life where I would have a small circle of friends whom I could vent my feelings to. But with every new chapter of life, my friendships within these cliques would eventually grow distant, and I would be left with just a handful of friends in each clique.
As such, it is really hard for me to pinpoint my “best friend”. Everyone else seems to have their specific bestie, so it’s not like I could third-wheel into that relationship. And if I’m being completely honest, I always felt that I was the odd one out in the group; the one that’s always thought of last.
I am part of a group that includes two other friends and myself. I consider them to be some of my closest friends. But every time we hang out, it just feels different. As if I was the odd one out. They seem to be sharing things amongst themselves but not with me. They’d talk about something I have no knowledge about, and I would have to probe them for more context which becomes tiresome for me.
I am not the type of person who will ask you questions at random because I believe that if you wanted to share something with me, you would have done so.
Incidents like this made me wonder “Am I really important? Would it matter to them if I was dead?”
Why it is normal to not have a best friend
My whole perspective changed after breaking up with my ex. Within days of the news getting out, I received check-in texts from various friends, even ones whom I hadn’t spoken to in a while.
They contacted me to see how I was doing and were shocked that this could happen to me. The girlfriend of my ex’s best friend actually reached out to me and suggested meeting one-on-one. To be honest, we weren’t that close but it was very thoughtful of her. I appreciated her kindness and am grateful to her.
Sure, the conversations weren’t deep but it made me realise that there were people who cared about me out there. Maybe I’m not able to have deep heart-to-heart talks with a specific individual. Or have one person to share all my problems with.
But at least now I knew I could share some of the pain with casual acquaintances and friends who cared.
Living without a best friend
It’s still a work in progress but I’m learning to be fine with not having a best friend. Sure, finding a maid of honour for my future wedding will be a lil’ hard and awkward. But at least now I know I have a somewhat strong support system out there.
So if you’re someone who’s trying to decipher your place in your social circle and contemplating whether or not your friends care about you, my advice to you is this: who cares?
To quote Hannah Montana, “Some friends come into your life for a reason, others only for a season.”
What’s important is treasuring the ones who are currently around you. And if those friendships die, just make new ones! It won’t be easy but it beats letting it eat you up.
I do not have a best friend, and this is my story. Share with me stories about your friends below!