How Did I Get Here?
I was with my ex for 2.5 years, and because we were getting older, we decided to bid for a flat and make our BTO dream a reality. I mean it is the milestone of every ‘successful’ teenage relationship (or so I thought). We managed to get a decent unit, but when it was time to make the first payment, he said he didn’t have enough money. I was shocked because he always earned good money as an insurance agent (a red flag?).
Credit: Towfiqu Barbhuiya
Ultimately, I offered to pay first using my CPF since I believed we were meant to be. The amount wasn’t small at all. It was $40k. It was understood that we would share the financial costs of the BTO since we both owned 50% of the house. We were young adults and I was willing to do my part for our shared future.
Parting ways with him, my BTO dream, and my money…?
Not long after the down payment, we realised that our different personalities simply meant that things wouldn’t work out, so after months of arguments, we parted ways. Hence, I went ahead and cancelled the BTO and forfeited the deposit I had paid initially. Needless to say, my parents were utterly disappointed and my friends were low-key judging my rash life choices.
Since we had agreed to share the money, I asked him for $20k since I had forked out everything previously. However, he had the audacity to refuse and said that he was not obliged to pay me back.
I tried to appeal to HDB to reduce the forfeiture amount, but it didn’t work. I was at my wit’s end trying to solve this issue. Meanwhile, I found out that this man-child was flying first class to New Zealand and splurging all his money there.
I got my money back (at a discount!)
After 6 months of trying, he finally offered to pay me back. How much? $500! Isn’t that just crazy? $500 out of $20k. I was fuming mad. To make matters even worse, he said that if I wasn’t happy with this $500, we could always speak to his lawyers. Imagine that. He’d rather pay lawyer fees than responsibly settle this issue.
I should have seen all the red flags
During our time together, I saw some red flags, but I was wearing rose-tinted glasses. The biggest red flag was how he spoke to his mom; it was so rude and condescending.
He frequently shouted at his mom, but I brushed it off, thinking it was just how their family interacted. But he started to do the same with me, and I realised there was something wrong with this relationship.
Credit: Timur Weber
Furthermore, he also stayed at my house 24/7 without contributing to my family. I’m not talking monetarily, but even the simple things like washing the dishes. My mom would cook for the whole family, but he would just wash his own dish and then retreat into my room to play video games all night.
I paid a hard price for my ‘freedom’. I’ll remember this lesson for life.
After struggling internally and consulting my family, I decided to let it go. I didn’t escalate the matter to court because I decided to treat it as a “lesson learnt” where I “paid” for my freedom and happiness.
He never once reached out to me after that; honestly, that is not surprising for a little coward.
Have you ever been duped by a loved one? Did you guys reconcile?