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Gay Dating: I Loved My Bestfriend Unconditionally And Now I’m Scarred For Life.

Gay Dating: I Loved My Bestfriend Unconditionally And Now I’m Scarred For Life.

There are so many horror stories about gay dating. I never understood why, till it happened to me. I was in my final year in high school when I fell for this guy; we’ll call him B. We were friends in our first year and only recently reconnected because of a project. As we worked together on the project, we started talking a lot more, and he would always call me just to talk, even when he was busy attending to other stuff. 

It all happened so quickly

He would express how caring I was to him, just like his previous girlfriend. To me, at that time, I was merely comforting a broken heart. Over time, we became closer, and he would hug me or spend time with me, whenever he could find a chance. Our friends started to wonder if we had developed romantic feelings for each other. Not going to lie. I started questioning myself too, even though a huge part of it felt platonic in my head. I’m sure you’ve been there before: a weird limbo where things are blurry because of unsaid thoughts.

Credit: Cotton Bro Studio

In the end, I did fall for him, and he knew. We would always hang out together in school, during recess, and spend time together as much as we could. He would even walk me back to class. We held hands, hugged, and even kissed before (a slight peck). While he knew I liked him, I never knew whether he felt the same. I never dared to ask, really. Maybe I was blinded my own emotions but at one point, I was ready to even come out to my family. I didn’t do it in the end because he never once said he liked me explicitly. He never made it clear, but he always used cute nicknames in front of others, such as calling me his “fake girlfriend.” 

“Two guys can’t be best friends”

B was also very sensitive to others’ words. Upon hearing any negative comments or criticisms about him, he would become a little depressed, and I would have to comfort him. I did it quite willingly initially because he was a close friend. Friends kept asking if we were official and when he heard that, he started making a fuss about why “two guys can’t be best friends.” Whenever he said that, my heart fell to the ground. I genuinely enjoyed being his best friend, but over time I had hope that he was ready to explore us further. Nevertheless, I continued to comfort him, but it got draining.

It was clear to me at this point that he didn’t like me the way I did. We were just really close friends, and I had to move on. I had to see him as a friend too, which led to him thinking I was trying to push him away and leave him. Consequently, B also started making less effort to keep up his promises to me, and soon we completely lost touch. 

Credits: Michael Burrows

Moving on

It always bothered me because I never really asked how he felt about me, but it hurt even more when I found out he was dating another girl when he started ghosting me. I don’t want to go through this kind of heartbreak anymore, especially when I’m already trying my best to come out to my family. Now I know better. Before I fall too deep, I got to make sure I know what I’m getting myself into. 

Have you ever confessed to liking your best friend? Are you guys still friends?

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