I’ve Been Screwing A Married Man For Ten Years. And I Don’t Want To Stop.

We’ve Been Screwing for 10 Years

I’ve known my boss for almost 12 years, and we’ve been screwing each other for the last 10 years. Our relationship didn’t start like that. When I first joined the company, I didn’t think that I would end up screwing my boss. However, I must admit that when I first entered the company, I found my boss very attractive and assertive. 

We Started Out As Friends

We are about 10 years apart, but we click really well together. We can talk about anything and everything under the sun. We started out being really good friends as he was going through some personal issues and needed a listening ear. I was there for him when he needed me; likewise, he returned the gesture when I was also going through tough times. Eventually, we spent so much time together that our relationship became much more intimate than we expected. 

Despite our intimate relationship, it didn’t affect the way we both worked. We still dedicated office hours to the company and kept things strictly professional during working hours. He didn’t take extra care of me by being biased towards him in the workplace, and I wasn’t afraid to shoot his ideas down if I felt they didn’t benefit the company. I’m not sure if it’s the secrecy and tension of our office interactions that made me addicted to the way we acted after office hours.

Even though we’ve been doing this for 10 years now, we haven’t moved further past the stage of sexual intimacy. Throughout the last decade, he has had 3 different relationships. While he was still together with his previous partners, we were still screwing regularly on the side. None of them found out, so we happily continued this relationship. Despite this, I sometimes felt a little insecure because I always wondered why we didn’t end up together instead. At the same time, the idea of us being a secret really turned me on.

I Think He Loves Me More Than His Wife

After a short break from dating, he started dating his current wife about 5 years ago. I felt very sad and frustrated when I found out. I feared he would neglect me and we wouldn’t continue our sexcapade. However, the opposite became true because he started to spend more time with me and put more effort into giving me gifts. I was shocked but happy. I didn’t mind that he was in another relationship because I knew his main focus was me.

Recently, his wife started to suspect something inappropriate was happening between my boss and me. This was mostly because he usually confided in me and spent more time with me outside of work hours. She didn’t understand why a colleague had more face-to-face time with her husband. We managed to explain and reduce her suspicions about our affair, so they’re moving with life as normal while my boss and I are still screwing each other behind her back. 

In her eyes, I am just a colleague. I’m not sure why she’s so naive to think that. We’ve been colleagues for over a decade and spent so much time together, even when they were just dating. Even after he got married, he still spent more than half the day with me, and he spent way more money on me than he did on his wife. 

After this near-miss incident, I asked my boss why he chose to marry her if he would treat her like this anyway. He said he was pressured into proposing as he and his wife were getting older. His wife gave him an ultimatum; either marry her or break up. Under the stress from his wife and family, he decided that marriage with her was the easiest route. I resent him for choosing to marry her instead of just marrying me since we’ve been doing things on the sly since 10 years ago. However, in the end, it would have complicated things between us since we were boss and employee. Who knows what would have happened to his career and how others would have judged him when they found out?

He Started A Family Without Me

A few months ago, his wife gave birth to their baby. I felt betrayed because he never told me he was trying for one with her. I only found out because I opened his wallet and his family photo was in it. I confronted him, and he said he had always wanted a child, and his biological clock was ticking; he was getting older. That was the first time I felt so upset and betrayed by his decision because this ultimately meant that he was tying himself down to her and his family.

The anger in me didn’t last for long, though, because soon after, we just continued messing around. However, some days, I do feel like ending this relationship. I discussed this possibility with him, and he assured me he would respect my decision. Even so, I feel reluctant to let him go. It’s been 10 years of mostly ups with him. How could I just let him go? We yearn for, care for, and love each other so much. Our lives are also entangled. I’ve met his family, and we get along so well. I’ve gained the title of “close family friend”.

How do I let it all go?