I Was Sexually Assaulted By A Close Friend, And I’m Finally Ready To Tell My Story.

How I was sexually assaulted by my close friend

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault | Every time I read about yet another sexual assault case happening on local campuses, I wince. Unbeknownst to many, including my family members, I too was sexually assaulted as a student. The pain was exacerbated by the fact that it was done by a close friend. However, the shame of it has made me block out my traumatic event. Unfortunately, this secret has been slowly eating me inside and manifested outwards only a couple of days ago.

I was recently in a cinema, watching a movie with a couple of friends when the trailer for She Said played. I suddenly froze up and panicked as the visceral visuals and dialogue triggered my memories. Thankfully, my friend realised this and immediately comforted me. That’s when I realised I had to write this story.

I Don’t Have A Best Friend. And I’m Learning To Accept It.

One reason was as a form of catharsis. I needed to confront my pain in order to start moving on from it.

The other was to raise awareness that sexual assault can come from those you trust and care for. This is a more bitter pill to swallow but it’s something more people need to realise. You should never let your guard down when you feel like something is amiss.

The story of my sexual assault

Y was one of my closest friends in secondary school. We first met in Secondary 1 when we were both on the school council. That friendship even progressed to the point of me getting together with his close friend, G. As a result, the three of us spent quite a lot of time together.

Our friendship carried on till Secondary 4 when we had O’Levels. Y and I decided to attend the same tuition class to boost our grades. The class itself was pretty small, with only two medium-sized tables in a room—each capable of seating only four students. I usually tried to get the corner seat so that I could lean against the wall to better see what was written on the whiteboard.

One day, I became aware of something touching my FBTs and the area between my thighs. I looked underneath the table but I couldn’t see anything. This kept happening for a few days but I dismissed it every time.

One particular day, the touching became aggressive, and I felt extremely uneasy.

So, I secretly leaned back, trying to see what was going on underneath. To my shock, it was Y.

Suddenly, everything made sense. I only felt the touching whenever he was sitting opposite me. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t tell anyone because I was afraid and didn’t want to create a commotion. To avoid it from happening again, I started to avoid him as much as possible during tuition class.

The time Y molested me at a chalet

Fast forward a few months later. Our exams had ended and G’s clique wanted to celebrate at a chalet. This meant that Y was going to be there. Of course, I still hadn’t told anyone about the tuition incident.

We reached the chalet, and G and his friends went out to cycle. I decided to stay behind to prepare the ingredients for dinner. Lo and behold, Y decided to stay behind as well. I didn’t want to make a scene so I told him to just cook dinner together.

As I was cutting food in the sink, I suddenly felt my thighs being touched again. My face froze while I continued moving my hands. But Y was too fast. So I brushed it off while feeling extremely uneasy. This time, I decided to take the risk of remaining in my current position for an extended period of time in order to confirm everything.

I stood there cutting up everything as quickly as I could. I felt it once more. But this time the feeling lasted longer since I decided not to move. I could feel Y breathing behind me, and he was very deliberate in his actions. He was touching me behind my back with his hands in the flap of my FBT shorts. I decided to lower my gaze to see what was below my waist.

And I saw his legs.

I started tearing up as I became increasingly uncomfortable. I was trying to keep my cool so that he wouldn’t realise I was aware of his actions. All I could muster was “Excuse me” and I immediately rushed to my room and locked the door. I made sure that there was no way for him to get in. I tried calling G but to no avail. I was even more devastated and sobbed in the corner of the room. I was worried about what might happen.

Finally, G called me back, and I told him about how scared I was. A few minutes later, the entire clique returned and I let G into the room before locking the door again.

I was crying when he asked what had happened. I couldn’t say anything and just continued hugging him tightly. He figured it out somehow and asked if it was because of Y.

He began to question me, asking if Y had touched me. I was surprised at how he knew about it. I nodded and told him what had happened in the kitchen earlier. He then told me that Y had actually recently been arrested for touching a girl on a public bus. Everything made sense now.

After hearing that, I honestly have no recollection of what happened next. Some people I’ve spoken to have said that the experience was so traumatic that my mind probably blocked it out to protect me.

Dealing with being sexually assaulted

Till recently, I was afraid to speak up as I felt guilty for failing to protect myself. But not anymore.

I just want to say that I am proud of myself today for being able to share my story with others and let them know that they are not alone in this situation. I truly hope that this does not happen to any of you. I was disappointed and upset that it was my close friend who had done this to me.

Because of him, I will never feel safe around my guy friends. If there’s anything I’ve learnt, it’s that having a trusted friend to confide in your problems helps. Do not keep it to yourself because keeping it a secret will only eat you up inside. Here are a few helplines you can turn to: