My then boyfriend and I were in a committed relationship for two years. Everything seemed perfect until I first found out he was cheating on me. Despite catching him multiple times thereafter, he repeatedly blamed my low libido and I put up with it.
He blamed it on my low libido
Just 3 months into our relationship, he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. He slept with her at her place and hid that from me, without any signs of guilt, for months. I found out in our eighth month together, only because one of his friends spilled the beans.
Up till that point, we got through so many milestones together so even though we were relatively a ‘new’ couple, it hit me really hard. I needed an explanation so instead of holding it in, I confronted him. His answer was blunt, shocking and unapologetic: “you refused to sleep with me, so I had to give in to temptation and find sex from other girls”. I was crushed. It wasn’t even completely true because I did sleep with him once, after he pushed me to. He knew I was not someone who did not enjoy physical intimacy much so I gave him consent that one time, purely out of love. Maybe I did not have much prior experience in dating, but to cheat on someone over a lack of constant sex, felt unbelievable. I simply could not swallow it because I thought we were fine.
He insisted and promised that I was “the one”
It was my first time being cheated on and the feeling was nauseating. This was the last thing I needed since I was struggling with self-esteem issues too. Part of me wished he had cheated emotionally instead so that it was easier for me to simply move on. But being cheated over the lack of sex made me feel ugly, not enough and ‘dumb’. I slowly lost my appetite and isolated myself from social gatherings.
I tried to cut him out of my life too but he kept calling me and begging me to come back. He promised never to do it again and that it was not worth losing us over something like this. He insisted and promised that I was “the one.” He convinced me by saying that his ex-girlfriend already had a boyfriend and such incidents would not happen again.
I forgave him and took him back. I was determined to make things work.
I’m not sure why I did it, but I let that incident slide even though my gut told me otherwise. Out of love, maybe? Or maybe it was out of comfort. I was familiar with our love, and I guess I couldn’t really let that go. Besides, cutting him off felt like withdrawals and I did not want to go through school with a messy headspace. I could not afford to. So I gave him another chance unconditionally.
He did it again
Months after, we had a fight on the phone, and he dropped the call stating “bad wifi connection” as the reason. I was so upset and cried myself to sleep. The next day, he came over in the evening like nothing happened. Something just felt off so I snooped through his call history while he was asleep. There were timestamps of video calls with several different girls, including the very same ex girlfriend he first cheated on me with. Wtf right?
Obviously, I confronted him angrily, and he blamed it on me again. This time instead of my low libido, he said that I had become unreasonable so he had to find an outlet to cool himself down and gather his senses.
He became so aggressive, I got him arrested
Since then, I set myself on finding the strength to leave the relationship. Whenever I brought it up, he would threaten to leak my nudes or harass everyone around me. The worst part was that I only sent him my lewd pictures so that he would at least be sexually attracted to me more. I was not something I used to do before him. I was so distressed because I knew this wasn’t what love was. I was being held hostage and I did not know what to do.
Things got so bad that I had to block him off every social media platform. He became more aggressive and threatened to dox me online if I didn’t unblock him.
My best friend advised me to file a police report. I did, and he was arrested the following day.
Once he was released, he contacted me for “closure.” I agreed. I left our meeting, believing that he truly had learned his lesson.
Months passed, and my best friend introduced me to more people to help me get over him, and I started to expand my social circle. I eventually went on a good date and posted it on Instagram Story. My ex found out and he flipped. He started to send me threats again, claiming that he would ruin my life.
He slept with my best friend while she wore my clothes as ‘revenge’
He went on to start sleeping with my best friend, and they both spread rumors about me. Being stabbed in the back twice by the two closest people to me? I couldn’t take it.
She even wore my clothes while they were doing it so that he could gloat and return them to me afterward. The whole thing felt like a living nightmare. My best friend knew about everything going on and how distressed I was for the whole year. And she went on to do it to me heartlessly.
I’m in therapy now and focusing on recovery
I was just broken beyond belief. I wanted to end my own life. I finally mustered the courage and told my mother about it. I’m currently in therapy too.
He is still trying to slither his way back into my life. He tells me that he ended things off with my ex-best friend and is willing to return to me. Seriously, this man has 0 shame.
Obviously, at this point, I’m done. Loving this man was one of the most self-destructive things I have ever done to myself. I want to remind all you guys to never stay in these situations and to choose your friends wisely too. The world is cruel and sometimes it really is not your fault, you’re just really unlucky.
Have you ever been betrayed by your best friend? Are you guys still friends?