I’m a Chinese Girl with a Malay Boyfriend. I Was Hurt When My Parents Thought I Was Possessed By a Demon.
The Truth Behind Interracial Relationships
When I first got together with my boyfriend, we received a lot of stares from people in public everywhere we went, whenever we went out (interracial relationships face this often). At the start, it could get a little uncomfortable because it was that obvious. You might feel that you’re constantly under observation of others, and the silent judgment of older people could really get to you.
Over time, as you spend more time together, you slowly get used to it. Stares from aunties and uncles in shopping malls become white noise, little whispers between the boomers in train rides go unheard.
Truth be told, perception from the public, while daunting, would be the least of your worries.
How My Boyfriend Won My Parents Over
He didn’t, and he perhaps never will. When I first told my parents about my boyfriend, they thought I was possessed by a demon. They simply could not accept that I fell in a love with a Malay boy — a man who wasn’t Chinese like them or me. While this is a passing memory of over five years ago, it never feels good to not get the support you wish you can have from your family. It definitely hurt a lot at that point in time.
While I already have strained relations with my family, having a Malay boyfriend certainly didn’t help. Over time, I’ve learnt to not care about what people think. My boyfriend and I were just two equal human beings of different skin colours who fell in love. That said, we see the same skies, feel the same emotions and bleed the same blood as all humans do. There’s nothing to judge — but it just hits differently when it comes to family.
Despite some tries and attempts, my parents’ perceptions never shifted. I’ve since cut contact with my parents and he no longer needs to win them over. It took a few miles before we came to this consensus (it has been five years after all). At the moment, it does not bother me whether or not my parents give my boyfriend and I their blessings. It would not mean anything to us, especially since their remarks have only been unnecessarily mean most of the time.
Celebrating (or Tolerating?) Interracial Relationships
For god’s sake, it’s 2023. We should not be judging people by the colour of our skin or what race they belong to! People need to stop instilling racism into their kids (a strong believer of educating youths the right concepts) and shaming them even when they have friends of different races (least say dates and partners).
The older boomers need to understand that love transcends beyond races and get it in their heads that love being love should not be restricted by irrational boundaries of race – and it should not matter at any extent.
At the bare minimum, we should all learn to have basic respect for one another. Sure, even if you don’t like it, keep it to yourself. Just like how I can’t stop you from liking or disliking certain food or drinks, we’re entitled to our own opinions when it comes to love.
Just live your own life. Mind your own business.
Navigating about Interracial Relationships
It is okay and you are not alone. You’re still dating a human, much like yourself. And love is love.
There is nothing wrong with dating someone of a different race, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Just remember that at the end of the day, it’ll be your partner and you walking down that aisle. The two of you will be the ones tackling life together – there’s no real value in caring about what other people think or do. Their judgements are irrelevant because it’s not what you think about you. Enjoy being with each other and growing together as a couple!
Will you ever date beyond your own race? If your answer wasn’t an immediate ‘yes’, what were some of your major considerations?
